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manifestoonmoralmanlove · 5 years ago

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Gormless Ch. 13 – Everything’s awful but lesbians are in fact REAL

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband. In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England. Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag. She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon. He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok. Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything. Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government. She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

Turns out a preserved corpse of a Soulless person that the Kingair pack stole from Egypt is causing the humanization problem. However somebody is after that coprse, and knocked LeFoux and Lord Maccon unconscious. Alexia gonna have to fix everything herself HURMPH!

Chapter 13 – Everything’s awful but lesbians are in fact REAL

Wowzers! Here’s the climax chapter. It won’t be the height of tension, but it will be the height of my irritated confusion. My apologies for length, it was a long chapter, and full of a lot of bullshit. LET’S GO!

We get a rare good moment where Alexia looks at the passed out Maccon and worries about him. She makes a cute note about how his eyelashes are super long and once when she commented that she was jealous of his long eyelashes he tickled her neck with them. This will be the last genuinely good thing in this chapter.

Alexia goes to a recently woken up LeFoux. LeFoux is all distraught, and there’s a bullshit line about how being upset made her look slightly more feminine and Alexia, “Didn’t know if she liked that.”

CAUSE SADNESS IS A WOMAN DISEASE AND ALEXIA ONLY CARES WHAT LEVEL OF CURRENT FUCKIBLITY YOU ARE! THE LEVEL OF EGOMANIA ON THIS BITCH!

LeFoux is like, “Hey don’t be mad at the woman who shot me and your husband. She didn’t ~mean~ it.”

YES TURNS OUT THE BIG BAD OF THIS BOOK SERIES I FUCKING CALLED BACK IN CHAPTER 4 OF THE LAST BOOK! It was Angelique! GOSH WHAT A FUCKING TWIST! YOU KNOW THE CHARACTER WHO, AT THE END OF THE LAST BOOK WAS DESCRIBED IN TEXT AS A BLATANT SPY! Yet the entirety of this book Alexia thinks its LeFoux and goes so far as to think she’s faking being shot? She turns out of the room and all the werewolves are sleeping and instead of…I DON’T KNOW letting them know she’s identified the attacker? She just huffs that she must do everything herself.

GOD STUPIDITY AND A POINTLESS MARTYR COMPLEX IS REALLY FUCKING HOT! ALSO I’M GLAD THAT EVERY SINGLE WEREWOLF FELT COMFORTABLE FALLING ASLEEP WITH AN ACTIVE SHOOTER IN THEIR CASTLE THAT WAS EVEN ABLE TO PUT DOWN THEIR FORMER ALPHA!

So Alexia goes to the room where the mummy is, but Angelique is not there. So instead of disposing of the body that Angelique is clearly after, she’s runs up to the Aethongrapher room. Angelique is there and shoves her aside to escape the room. So they go back to the mummy room, and Angelique is trying to drag the body out of there. Alexia goes to shoot some of her sleepy darts at Angelique but just as she’s about to Ivy shows up to stand in front of Alexia and whine that Alexia is being callous to her. But as I have described before, this is not Ivy’s fault. Ivy’s kink is inconvenient timing. Blithering obtusely in front of a weapon while the bad guy gets away makes her CUM. The TV hasn’t been invented yet so she can’t stand in front of it during a crucial part of a show/game. SHE HAS TO FIND SOME WAY TO GET OFF!

DO YOU WANT THIS WOMAN TO NEVER ORGASM!?

Despite that Alexia is able to catch up to Angelique and knocks her unconscious with a hefty umbrella swing. She takes the mummy outside, and dissolves it using the acid function on her umbrella. I mean, I was hoping she’d go whole hog and it would come to life and fight them but WELP guess that would be stupid fun and we’re only allowed one of those things in this book and it ain’t fun. When the corpse is just about pudding, Alexia goes back in and hears Ivy scream.

OH NO!

We take a break from this regularly scheduled programming to swap over to Biffy, Channing, and Lyall at the Westminster Hive. Biffy apparently snuck in and broke their Aethonographer. This is just to let us all know that the message Angelique tried to send before didn’t get through. I mean targeting the Aethongrapher only, doesn’t make any sense AT ALL from their perspective and honestly you could have written the entire thing out to tighten up the story. But like I guess it was real important to have that bit where Alexia has to try 2 rooms to find Angelique.

FUCK ME RUNNING!

So Ivy screamed because a woken up Angelique puts a knife to Ivy’s throat and is leading her up the stairs. All the werewolves are there as well as Tunstell. Tunstell gets out the magic gun, which by the way they start calling the ‘tun tun’ which makes a lot of sense and is totes keeping it tense. Shouldn’t it be the tun gun? WHATEVER!

They go up to a room and Angelique makes Ivy open a window. Meanwhile Tunstell tries to sneak around the side while Alexia tries to distract her. By the way this is the first time we hear that Tunstell is apparently a big dude. I had totally assumed that since he was described as a meek servant/actor coated in freckles that he was a 5’5” adorable waif boy who weighs 110 lbs on a good day. I’m glad you waited till now to tell us that. After a bit of a scuffle Tunstell wrestles the knife away, saves Ivy, and Angelique tumbles to her death out the window. The gun is never shot and Chekov leaps out to die on the cold hard Scottish earth like Angelique.

Apparently there was a rope ladder leading down that window that Angelique was really hoping she’d be able to escape down, with the knife to the throat of a hostage? OKAY THEN! When Angelique woke up, why didn’t she just try to make a break for it, to avoid being persecuted by the supernatural police? What was the point of the hostage thing? Why did she have this rope ladder prepared?

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BOOK! IT’S NOT GOOD ACTION IF THE ENTIRETY OF IT FALLS APART LIKE A BISCUIT IN TEA WHEN YOU ASK LITERALLY ANY QUESTION REGARDING IT!

You know what would have been a thousand times better? If Alexia goes to question a recently recovered Angelique, and Angelique in a panic puts a knife to a dipshit Ivy’s throat by a window. Angelique demands to be given the body. Alexia explains that she destroyed it. Angelique at first doesn’t want to believe it but eventually concedes. Saying something along the lines of, “…If I can’t deliver the body…then…then they’ll kill me…” The people there try to reassure her that they can protect her. However in Angelique’s stunned grief she slips from the window, Tunstell is able to grab Ivy but not Angelique. Was it an accident? Did she want to die on her own terms? WE’LL NEVER KNOW? The chapter ends where the crowd goes to check on her and Angelique is FOR SURE dead. LeFoux seeing the shattered body of her former lover, clutches Alexia and wails.

BUT NOPE IN FACT THIS HAPPENS NEXT!

So Alexia is the only one to go check the body. Angelique is in fact dead, but turns into a ghost. Angelique tells Alexia to perform the exorcism, which means kill her for real real. Alexia wants questions answered first. Angelique says she’ll answer 10, Alexia agrees to this.

So like…why are you going to respect her wishes now? Doesn’t she need to be persecuted under the law, or have proof of the Hive’s wrongdoing? You maybe want to give LeFoux a chance to talk to her, since she was obviously really upset and protective of her before? GUESS NOT!

Angelique, before the questioning is revealed to have done this whole task for the immortality, since she previously and is still working with the Westminster hive. She is GIVEN immortality in the form of being a ghost and is immediately like NOPE I’D RATHER DIE. HUHHHH? MAYBE IT’S NOT IDEAL VAMPIRE THING BUT REALLY?

GOD WHATEVER IT JUST GETS WORSE ANYWAY!

Angelique says that it wasn’t her who tried to break into her bag or poison her. Alexia asks if LeFoux is trying to kill her, Angelique says probably not cause you’d already be dead. AND LIKE WE ESTABLISHED THIS EXACT ANSWER TO THIS SAME QUESTION BEFORE. WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR QUESTIONS YOU COMPLETE IMBECILE!

It’s revealed that Quensel, the kid LeFoux was taking poor care of before, is Angelique’s son. Angelique was trying to hide the fact she had a son from the vampires cause the vampires won’t turn her if she has any family. Apparently LeFoux, was trying to get Angelique to take care of her son and to stop the vampire biz by threatening to tell the Vampires about her son. That didn’t work apparently. We also confirm that yes, SHOCK OF SHOCK, Angelique and LeFoux used to be an item for many years. So we have this OH SO DELIGHTFUL paragraph:

“Alexia had seen something of the kind in her father’s collection, but she had never imagined it might be based on anything more than masculine wistfulness or performances put on to titillate a John’s palate. That two women might do such things voluntarily with one another and do so with some degree of romantic love. Was that possible?”

(Irritated Stare with the phrase [stares in gay judgement])

You’re 26 years fucking old, you’re well aware that gay men exist, LeFoux has been hitting on her blatantly this entire book and has been pretty much screaming how much of a lesbian she is. Like you can have Alexia in bi-denial, sure, but for her not to even realize two girls can have sex and romance at one another outside of men JACKING IT!? FUCKING WOW! I want to be clear and say that there is a myth that Queen Victoria didn’t think lesbians were real when she was enforcing the no homosexuality laws. TO BE CLEAR THAT IS A MYTH! PEOPLE IN VICTORIAN TIMES KNEW LESBIANS WEREN’T JUST A MALE CREATED HORNY MYTH LIKE HOW WOMEN LOVE THE TASTE OF JIZZ, YOU THICK-HEADED TWIT!

The last questions that Alexia asks basically are, “Is it possible for women to love each other?” and “You’re a cold bitch aren’t you?” QUEEN PICKED TOP INVESTIGATOR HERE! She then FOR REAL kills Angelique. Also I’m glad she didn’t ask Angelique what they were planning on doing with the humanization corpse, because that mystery is probably what the entirety of the 3rd book is about.

So we head back in the castle to try to wrap this all up, and boy is it pointlessly messy. I’m going to recount the items in order, so you TOO can realize what a clusterfuck this is.

Alexia tells LeFoux that Angelique is dead which makes LeFoux cry. Alexia has a normal human response to seeing a woman she likes grieving.

“Lady Maccon envied her skill of crying with aplomb. She herself went all over splotchy, but Madame Lefoux seemed to be able to execute the emotional state with minimal fuss.”

By performing some pretty sweet mental gymnastics to make it about herself. CONGRATULATIONS! She does later say that the scene was painfully sad…but…your first thought, and the one you dedicate more than a sentence to is… “I wish I could cry as hot as she could?” MOTHER OF FUCK LADY!

Maccon takes Alexia aside and explains that LeFoux and he are besties despite not interacting with her at all this entire book. He told his BFF4EVAH to keep an eye on Alexia. Don’t know why he would have lied about this? Maybe Alexia would have felt patronized? Alexia was attacked 5 times last book and needed to be saved 3 of those times. There’s nothing wrong with that ratio, but there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to have back up if you’re in a dangerous profession. Besides that the two both love science and gadgets, and if he couldn’t predict that LeFoux would awaken his wife’s bisexuality too, it seems silly to lie to her about it.

But my pity for Alexia runs dry again when, upon hearing Maccon and LeFoux are buds…she accuses Maccon of sleeping with LeFoux. And it’s like…

(Honestly, you people, and by that I mean straight people…are ridiculous.)

If Alexia is bi, it don’t matter she’s still in denial and acting like a straight up straighty.

You just found out that lesbians are real and that LeFoux is one of them, and YOU were the one to almost cheat on him with her, and you ACCUSE HIM? Are you FOR REAL!? I mean this is just a set up for Alexia to realize SOME MORE that lesbians are real. I’m glad I’m reading one of those books where everything needs to be explained 5 times.

Alexia brings up the fact that Angelique turned into a ghost but exorcised her right away without considering if literally anybody else wanted to talk to her INCLUDING THE LONG-TERM –EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS RAISING HER KID. LeFoux is rightly upset at this and Alexia retorts with

“There’s no need to wallow.”

Now even Lord Maccon steps in like, “THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHE’S RIGHTLY UPSET!” To which Aleixa points out OH SO RIGHTLY that LeFoux didn’t want to be girlfriends with Angelique again, so like…it makes no sense why she’d want to have some parting words or care about her living or dying.

THEN THIS TRANSITION SHEESH VERBATIM:

Lord Maccon looked at his wife appreciatively. “Good Lord, woman, how could you have possibly known that?”

“Well” – Lady Maccon grinned – “Madame Lefoux here did play a bit of the coquette with me while we were traveling. I do not think she was entirely shamming.”

I’m sorry what? We already established that LeFoux is a vagatrian and had a relationship with Angelique. Is she saying the fact she was flirted with PROOF that LeFoux is not in a relationship? Alexia, you were flirting back and you’re married. This is not a brilliant deduction. We only have this transition so that Alexia can brag about almost BUT NOT ACTUALLY cheating on her husband. And like…it’s one thing to take the piss out of him because he’s irrationally jealous. However Alexia herself was like REALLY, REALLY irrationally jealous a second ago and it’s not really irrational since Alexia might have had sex with her if she came to the conclusion earlier that girls can like other girls. SoOOoOOoOOoo great!

We continue to have pissing contests. Maccon is mad that Alexia never told him she was almost poisoned, even though you’d THINK Tunstell would have brought that up to him since he’s his servant and he was the one actually poisoned. LeFoux admits she was looking around for Alexia’s bag and that she wanted the humanization weapon too. However she wants it NOT because she’s in the Hypocras club, but in the Organization of the Brass Octopus (OBO.) The Organization of the Brass Octopus is a secret group of Scientists that is working to curb the power of Supernaturals and that the Hypocras Club was a ~militant branch~ of the OBO. Alexia is bothered that Maccon didn’t tell her about OBO, since YANNO Alexia spent half the book thinking that her crush LeFoux wanted to genocide people like her husband. Which yanno REALLY STOPPED HER FROM A LOT THERE! Alexia tries to ask more questions about OBO and Maccon just answers them all with, “But it’s a secret!”

Really love that Maccon gets super mad when Alexia doesn’t talk to him, but when she asks questions he huffs and won’t tell her. You could maybe argue that since it’s a secret society thing that Maccon shouldn’t tell her. He was sworn to secrecy or some shit. But like also…a branch of this club nearly killed them both… and she’s in charge of the entire English government’s Supernatural balance system….Maybe it’s okay for her to know a little about a powerful organization in that country that’s supposed to do the same thing?

WHATEVER!

We end with LeFoux admitting she was LOOKING FOR Alexia’s bag but never went through it or messed up her room to find it. Alexia for once has a normal reaction which boils down to, “FUCK THIS SHIT!” and storms out. CAUSE WHY BRING UP SHE WAS LOOKING FOR IT AT ALL? That is pointlessly confusing.

So below I made a little chart with how easily it could have been to make this conversation flow better. Even if you want to keep in jealousy pissing contest which is also an EVEN WOMEN WOULD SEX ME STUPID HUSBAND!

I’ll admit I don’t know a lot about editing books…but I feel as if either the editors gave this a soft touch. It seems like a simple fix that could have tightened it up and made it an easier read.

Say something nice Faps:

It was technically a climax

They technically tried to wrap things up

It has been acknowledged that yes LESBIANS ARE REAL

I did genuinely like Alexia having a vulnerable moment looking upon her knocked out husband and feeling protective of him.

#gormless #senseless #riffs #riffing

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closetbibliophile · 6 years ago

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Soulless - The Parasol Protectorate Bk1 - Gail Carriger

There are so many words and phrases but not many can describe a series that is as full of wit and humor as this one. I would call it an ‘all in one’ or an ‘all-rounder’ but those terms just don’t do it justice. What Gail Garriger or rather Tofa Borregaard has accomplished is an author’s greatest achievement. Creating a world in which your characters can live on forever is a dream and if your fans, such as I, envy them their lives in that world you’ve truly created a masterpiece.

When I read about the hedgehog incident, I knew it was too late, I knew that this series wouldn’t let me go and that I would come back to it time and again because it’s just that good.

So dear reader, if you want a series that is a perfect balance between Jane Austen and Laurell K. Hamilton/Jeaniene Frost/Patricia Briggs with an added element of the steampunk genre then this is a series for you. The combination of humor and dry wit is to die for.

And should you have an interest in that area, a manga has been released by CARLSEN, sadly only until the third book. Illustrated by REM.

Blurb Below:

Lady Alexia Tarrabotti is soulless, an affliction she has her father to thank for, sadly he was of Italian descent which made him and therefore her quite a bit brash and impulsive and then he had the temerity to die, but he did leave her with an excellent butler.

Being a spinster has its perks, for one she may go about without a chaperon and her other oddities are overlooked, such as carrying around a parasol at all times of the day/night. Not to forget her friendship with Lord Akeldama, a most outrageous vampire.

Lord Maccon may have other words to say about her but what does that signify, he is a werewolf afterall.

It all began with a hedgehog and continued with treacle custard.

#gail carriger #vampire #regency #werewolf #steampunk

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weepingwillowyangel · 7 years ago

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Hands down one of THE BEST series ever written. The spin-off series' are also very good.

A series that I'm surprised that Tumblr doesn't talk more about

The Parasol Protectorate Series by Gail Carriger

consists of 5 books (Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless) and features a good amount of MOGII characters, and a large variety of female characters. It is lacking in PoC characters and characters that are explicitly not part of the gender binary or trans, though, I’ll not deny that.

but really can we talk about the ladies!

first the main character Alexia Tarabotti: spinster long on the shelf, soulless, and *gasp shock horror* Half-Italian. The way that she is described is having black curly hair and “swarthy” skin (despite how the comic adaptation has her pale as any of the other characters). While Carriger specifically describes Alexia as having a “Mediterranean” skin color, the amount of emphasis that is placed on how different Alexia looks from her half-siblings and other ladies of society makes me think that Alessandro Tarabotti (Alexia’s presumed dead father) himself had Moorish ancestry that got passed on to Alexia along with the soulless state. Heterosexual (mostly, considering her reactions to one of the ladies she later meets)

Ivy Hisselpenny: Alexia’s best friend who has a rather poor, to say the least, taste in hats. But under the over affectation of being the absolute silliest person in the room, Ivy does have some smarts, she just does not express it as one would find conventional. Heterosexual.

Angelique: a former drone (human servant of a vampire/vampire hive who is bidding for immortality and/or patronage) of the Westminster vampire hive who becomes Alexia’s ladies maid. French, and revealed to be lesbian or possibly bisexual.

Genevieve Lefoux: French inventor and milliner who as a preference for wearing her hair short and dressing in mens clothing tailored to herself. Very obviously a lesbian.

Sidheag Maccon: a great battle axe of a lady in her late 30’s who, if possible, is blunter than Alexia. the most muscular woman in the entire series (almost has to be considering her self imposed job).

for the male and homosexual characters, one need not look further than the fashionable Lord Akeldama, one of the oldest Rove vampires in London, who decorates his house in the hight of Rococo style and speaks with italics. He also has a bevvy of drones who are all implied to also be homosexual. including…

Biffy: Lor Akeldama’s “head drone” you could say, who’s sexuality is a bit more explicit than implied and who is also very exactingly competent.

On the werewolf side, there is Professor Randolf Lyall, the reserved and intellectual beta wolf of the Woolsey pack. He’s heavily implied to have an attraction to men, and implication which is later confirmed as you read the rest of the series.

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ove44 · 6 years ago

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Boots, his eyes on Alexia’s other hand, which was still wrapped protectively about her swollen belly, inquired solicitously, “Is it the child, Lady Maccon?” “The reason for our urgency? Oh, no. I have an invitation to attend Countess Nadasdy’s full-moon party, and I am late.” Boots and Tizzy nodded their full understanding of this grave social necessity. All speed was indeed called for. “We shall make haste, then, my lady. We wouldn’t want you to arrive beyond the fashionable hour.

Gail Carriger - Heartless

#fun #quote #Gail Carriger

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prologusblog · 3 years ago

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Gail Carriger: Időtlen [Értékelés]

ALEXIA TARABOTTI, AZAZ LADY MACCON BOLDOG HÁZASÉLETET ÉL. Persze, mivel Alexiáról van szó, ennek a boldogságnak része, hogy a farkasembereket bevezesse a londoni társaság krémjébe, miközben egy vámpír második legjobb ruhaszobájában él, és egy koraérett totyogóssal birkózik, aki lépten-nyomon alakítgatja a természetfelettieket. Alexia annyira élvezi új londoni életét, hogy még Ivy Tunstell…

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#értékelés #fantasy #Gail Carriger #Időtlen #Könyvmolyképző Kiadó #napernyő protektorátus #paranormal romance

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mountainmaven · 7 years ago

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Rules: Name your top ten favorite female characters from different fandoms. Then tag ten people.

I was tagged by the lovely @thefeatherofhope - thank you!

1. Lady Mechanika from Lady Mechanika 2. Sister Evangelina from Call the Midwife 3. Dr. Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz from TBBT 4. Lt. Nyota Uhura from Star Trek 5. Joyce Byers from Stranger Things 6. Alexia Tarabotti (Maccon) from The Parasol Protectorate series 7. Phoebe Buffay (Hannigan) from FRIENDS 8. BlackCanary DC Comics 9. Okoye from Black Panther (I’m only familiar with the character from the movie and I love her but I don’t know how true to the comics it is so I’m only basing it on the movie for now) 10. Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter

I tag: @the-forest-library @booksbeyondimagining @readerininvisiblewritings @thebiglonely @mademoisellelapiquante and anyone else who would like to do this!

#about me #fandoms #favorites #favorite women

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quoteablebooks · 4 years ago

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"I'm am very sorry to say that I did not observe the interaction." "A disappointment for you, I'm sure, for he was a remarkably fine specimen." "Oh, my, Alexia, you shouldn't say such things! You're a married woman." "True, but not a dead one."

Ivy Hisselpenny (Tunstell) and Lady Alexia Maccon Timeless by Gail Carriger

#Ivy Tunstell #Alexia Maccon #alexia tarabotti #timesless #Gail Carriger #A parasol protectorate novel #lady alexia maccon #Ivy Hisselpenny

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booksandwords · 3 years ago

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Changeless by Gail Carriger

Series: Parasol Protectorate, #2 Read Time: 4 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: "You are interested in studying me, aren't you, Madame Lefoux?" "You are a remarkable creature, Alexia." — Lady Alexia Maccon & Madame Genevieve Lefoux

Warning: character death (kinda), period appropriate sexism.

VIEVE! When Vieve appeared I lost my s***. Genevieve Lefoux is fantastic, I loved her in Finishing School (well what I read of it). In that, she was a clever and spunky 10-year-old. But now it's 20 years later, she's all grown up and badass, still dressing in the height of male fashion and still has an almost blackmailable love of hats. Her aunt is still floating around and Vieve has absolutely put her training to good use. Vieve wanted nothing more than to become an evil genius, and she is more than smart and determined enough to do it. So the question remains what exactly is her endgame? Vieve's coding remains spectacular. Accepting of both male and female pronouns, and completely done with hets. Interesting she can also speak for the reader in a similar way to Alexia at times. Now that is of my system on the review proper.

Changeless picks up a few months after Soulless. Alexia wakes up to Conall yelling at someone in their bedroom and then takes off for London. This leaves Alexia to deal with the return of the rest of the pack from India, this leads to a rather amusing confrontation with the pack's Gamma (third in command). There is a mystery in Central London. It's similar to the preternatural ability possessed by Alexia, it destroys ghosts, and prevents the change in werewolves and vampires. Particularly problematic for vampires as it prevents them from feeding. It's not a stationary issue, it's mobile and it's heading towards the Kingair pack in Scotland. After consultation with the Shadow Council, Queen Victoria wants Alexia to investigate it in her professional capacity. This leads Lady Alexia Maccon and an unexpectedly large entourage to fly to Scotland and investigate.

What follows is essentially a game of whodunnit where the who is more a what. It has some twists and turns and is written in Carriger's humous and female-centric style. Women hold all the card in Alexia's world, broadly speaking through their power is still limited. Alexia in not a typical woman, she is more than once referred to as an eccentric, but there are some societal standards she must abide by and inform us of. The balance of eccentricity and typical is done well. The information is all there to be pieced together if a reader so wishes, seeds of lore are planted for at least the next book if not more than that. The ending was totally unexpected and made me want to kick Conell Maccon in the ball and the ba***rd would deserve that and worse.

Anyone who has read Finishing School is in for a visit from another old friend, Lady Kingair, and a shock of pain. A death I really didn't want to hear of, and it's so flippant but there is a lot if you know the players involved in hurts. Sidhaeg does not remember Vieve, I guess Vieve was 10 but she's a distinctive type. But Vieve has a long term relationship with Lord Maccon. For those who have not read the prequel series (it was published after), it's not a concern, these are just interesting characters. Though I believe events discussed in Changeless are written in one of the Finishing School novels. Most of the characters that we already knew are built upon well, their allegiances and alliances expanded upon. Lord Akeldama and his drones, in particular, are of note here.

Some interesting tid bits.

'Formerly' if the honorific used for a ghost, Beatrice Lefoux is now referred to as 'Formerly Lefoux'. Ghost lore is quite interesting.

Alessandro Tarabotti is apparently much more connected to the word than Alexia has been lead to believe. That has to be relevant.

Seeing the Shadow Council in better depth is good. The dewan is not as powerful as I thought, the potretate is as suspicious as I would have suspected.

"Really sometimes it was simply too vexatious to be a lady living with two dozen gentleman." — No comments really. But could you imagine all that standing when you walk into a room all the time? It would get old fast. And additionally outranks all of them.

"Madame Lefoux did seem to be quite the best sort of ally to have. And, despite her masculine attire, she smelled amazing, like vanilla custard. Would it be so awful if this woman were to become a friend?"

"You really are a woman of many talents, Madame Lefoux, an inventor as well as a milliner?" [...]As you see, the two more often cross paths than one would think." — This is apt for Vieve. And she's not wrong I guess.

"She reflected that this was probably the first and likely last time in her life she would have cause to value the ridiculous fashion society foisted upon her sex" — Love moments like this in steampunk.

"Let us just simply say, that for the time being, that it is most likely not as useful as it was a little while ago." [...] "What did you do?" "Well, you see there was this pot of tea, simply sitting there..." — Biffy and Lyall are a whole thing (there be spoilers in the link and more than you think). It is easy to see why they are Lord Akeldama and Lord Maccon's respective favourites. Both are brilliant and capable.

"No need to raise your hackles and get territorial, old wolf. You find her attractive—why shouldn't I?" — Vieve is not ashamed to say what she wants and to tease. But she does know when she's beaten too.

#gail carriger #parasol protectorate #paranormal romance #steampunk #changeless #book review #ktreviews #read 2021

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manifestoonmoralmanlove · 5 years ago

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Chapter 7 – Stalking? No, slut dads who slutted each other.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it. Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

Alexia is also going north to help her husband with a crew crafted for a comedy. and oh boy I can’ts wait.

Chapter 7 – Stalking? No, slut dads who slutted each other.

Tunstell has been poisoned! So Alexia and LeFoux tell him to puke. Ivy gets really offended that they asked him to puke. Like it was actually kinda shocking how nasty Ivy gets about this. Ivy insults Alexia, and laughs condescendingly while saying it’s just regular old food poisoning. Like that’s pretty fucking cold Ivy damn.

I know this is supposed to be a comedy of ~manners~ this hubbub is because it’s gross and ~untoward.~ But a secret part of me wants to believe that Ivy is pissed at Tunstell for giving her feels and wants him to suffer.

Also I love how Alexia and LeFoux just TELL him to puke, and when Tunstell is like…what? How? They’re like you’re an actor just puke wtf do we have to explain everything to you?????? But eventually they concede, he takes some ipecac, barfs, and doesn’t die. Ivy was fluttering around him all a tizzy over this incident. A part of me is like, why didn’t they just leave Ivy and Tunstell alone here to sort out some shit? But I mean, Ivy seems salty enough to allow him to be in horrible pain. If they weren’t careful she was going to pull a fake eggplant off of her ugly hat and suffocate him with it.

LeFoux gets fed up with all of Ivy’s tittering so she gives her a bit of Cognac. She takes what are described as two nips. So I was picturing itty-bitty sips, and Ivy immediately becomes blitz out of her fucking mind. I’m not exaggerating, 2 sentences after the nips, she’s staggering in zig-zags. She bumps into doors, spills drinks, and giggles like a mad woman. I haven’t had cognac before but like….REALLY? To me, they might as well have written, “Ivy was within 15 feet of an alcoholic beverage, so she’s sloshed. She starts laugh-crying while singing Danny Boy incoherently and trying to give Tunstell a handy under the table…but it wasn’t Tunstell it was just an empty chair. Which was actually lucky for Tunstell cause at this point she couldn’t do more than just play bloody knuckles with his nut-sack anyway.”

But anyway Ivy and Tunstell retire to their rooms and Alexia and LeFoux go to have a chat on the deck. Alexia is like, “Why would anybody want to poison Tunstell it makes no sense!” To which LeFoux, with more patience than I could ever muster, points out Tunstell ate HER meal. Alexia has a moment before she’s like, “Oh yeah, people are always trying to kill me.” LeFoux is a bit flummoxed that Alexia seems pretty chill and incurious about almost being murdered. Alexia continues this track of being an intellectual giant by asking LeFoux if she’s a spy or assassin out to get her.

She, of course denies it, by saying she could have easily killed her earlier cause gosh what a badass she is. But like what the hell Alexia!? All you did was alert LeFoux to your distrust of her. What were you hoping is going to happen by asking that question? Denying it is hardly going to prove one way or the other, were you hoping you’d get,

“Yes! KER-STAB! U DEAD!”

Yet it’s almost as if her wish came true because a mysterious figure shoves Alexia off the deck, to meet her doom splattered on the English Countryside.

NO this isn’t where the chapter ends. Here we are 4 pages in and we have a much better cliff-hanger than TUNSTELL DUN BE POISONED!

Unluckily for us Alexia’s descent is cut short because a random protuberance on the dirigible catches her dress and she hangs on for dear life while LeFoux fights for hers against the mysterious shoving assassin.

But just as you were getting caught up in the action, a port-hole opens near Alexia to reveal the still hammered Ivy. We have a very appropriate bit of comic relief where Ivy slurs out how extra it is of Alexia to be climbing around on the outside of the dirigible. Which, to be fair, I wouldn’t put it past her. But eventually LeFoux scares off the attacker and they rescue her. The attacker was wearing a mask so we CAN’T SAY who it could possibly be. I bet it’s Angelique.

However LeFoux goes back to Alexia’s room with her, and Alexia sees she got a scratch on her neck from the fight. So she takes off LeFoux’s cravat and cleans it up. It’s very intimate.

Gotta be honest, I am so here for the lesbian flirting. I think fewer people should be flirting with Alexia, but I hardly care at this point. I’m happy that this book isn’t afraid to throw a masc-presenting lesbian love interest. I mean, this is perhaps quite a low bar since modern romance novels don’t tend to be homophobic, but I appreciate a stronger inclusion regardless.

But as she’s doing so she spies a tattoo on her neck of that OCTOPUS SYMBOL! YANNO THE HYPOCRAS CLUB THAT TRIED TO KILL HER, HER HUSBAND, AND THE TOKEN GAY MAN LAST BOOK! OH NO! But Alexia pretends she didn’t see it. She asks LeFoux why she’s following her around. LeFoux is all like, “Oh GOSH I WISH I COULD TELL YOU BUT I CANNOT! I AM MYSTERIOUS!” I really hate this cop-out, and I particularly hate this one cause I can already taste it now…the reason she can’t tell Alexia is for a really dumb reason that would cause 0 damage if she told her right now. (Also going back and editing this after I finished the book, I was right. SHOCK!) It’s also kinda infuriating cause Alexia (rightly so for once) is like, “Just tell me!” To which LeFoux rolls her eyes and is like, “Oh you soulless are always so annoyingly logical.”

HEY LISTEN GIRL, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL HER ALL THE TIME, IT’S NOT FUCKING ~DISPASSIONATE~ OF HER TO BE DISTRUSTFUL FOR CHRISTS SAKES! UGH!

In order to appease Alexia’s outrageous line of questioning, LeFoux barfs out some totally unrelated backstory. She was an illegitimate child from a slutty dude who died soon after she was born. She was raised by her aunt. As a child she met a man who used to be gay lovers with her dad. TURNS OUT THAT RANDOM MAN IS ALEXIA’S FATHER! WOW! What does that have to do with her following Alexia around like a dog trying to hump her leg?

BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME!

But Alexia is swayed with that and they part ways.

Say something nice Faps:

It’s getting even gayer up in here. Seriously Alexia, if you were seriously considering getting deep-dicked by Douche-canoe, douche canoe, of the dickwad douche canoes you better be considering this.

In particular I like the idea that Alexia’s father was openly bisexual. In part because she describes him as basically down for any person who wanted to fuck him. I am the kind of slutty stereotypical bisexual that relates to that. Also the more gay characters the better my friend.

I mean, I’m not super happy with the direction they continuously drag Ivy’s character but it’s at least it’s more of a personality. And I’ll take the comic relief, even if it isn’t good.

#changless #gormless #riffs #soulless #riffing

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